And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
