sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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