Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
