No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't deserve a penis
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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