i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My liver just broke up with me...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
