i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
