I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
