What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
