so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
