Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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