know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
