another moral hangover. fuck.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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