Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
