Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
