I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
