Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you didnt know i had herpes?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
