i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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