hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am one with the molecules
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
