She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
