i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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