Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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