Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
