I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
