I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
