we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
