insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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