Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
