im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
