this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
