I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
