I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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