just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
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