she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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