Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
