Banned from zoo.
Again?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
