i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
