god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sponge bath it is.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
