he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
this hospital has no fireball
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
