Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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