I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
