Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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