new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
