Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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