it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
