someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
