My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
