your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
