Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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