Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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