Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
