Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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