I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
