I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
