Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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