Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
